We were driving to dinner last night...because God knows I am not capable of cooking anything...when John reminded me that this year would be Fiona's third birthday. Her third birthday!! It was like a little alarm went off in my head. I have been noticing how lengthy and how clever she has been getting. Like when she tells me things that show she is comprehending things I am saying in ways I wasn't aware and I am reminded that I need to watch what I say just a little more. (Not that I EVER say anything she couldn't repeat)! Or when I am holding her and people comment that pretty soon she will be as long as me while also feeling my back bend in an angle only a 29 year old could recover from, and I am now 30.
I am pretty certain that there are no better reminders of the advancement of time than our children. Like little clocks ticking in our ears, they keep us ever mindful of the steady march of our lives; that life is short and quick lived, a gift to be appreciated and not taken for granted.
I am a strong believer that living lives that illustrate our appreciation for time look very different for different people. Each person called to explore the world and share our gifts in radically different ways. Some of us being parents, teachers, pastors, engineers, accountants, friends...we are all uniquely called to fully live in this world in different ways. Still, we are all called to live fully. And with that, to perserve in our search for what that means in relationship to one another and to experiment with choices that honor this call.
It could be said that I have "drive." An insatiable passion for learning, for growing, for achievement that would probably make the average person roll their eyes and go take a nap. I feel the press of time against the list my life's bucket list and feel ever more hurried to do more, to be more. I thought that with a new year in a new decade of my life this rush within might be calmed but instead it has become more intense than ever.
There was something inside me that was lit a long time ago. A moment when the way we were told to be, the things we were expected to achieve, became completely inadequate for my own personal sense of fulfillment. Perhaps, it was the moment I began the journey of 'salvation', the moment for me that Jesus touched my life with all of His radical-ness and counterculterism. Not a moment of salvation, but a beginning toward salvation. Not just for me, but for all of us. That we might all crave for our world much more than even our most ambitious individual resolutions could promise.
And while this might seem from the outside to be a quick light burning, the truth is that I can't imagine living any other way than this life of constant striving. My resolution this year is to inspire you to join me in this constant struggle against stagnation. In a journey away from the comfortableness that our lives so easily mold to. Toward a vision that challenges all of our self doubts and societal norms. A world of radical inclusiveness and just equality. A life in search of meaning. What would this look like for you? For us?
I have begun to contemplate this vision that God can only hold us if we jump from the point on which we find ourselves settled. That our lives can only be truly Hers if we move from the place we are steadily standing and step out into a new unknown. This year, let's jump. Let's hold hands and jump into an uncertain future that promises only that which God can provide. I promise it will be the best resolution.
