Step One-ish
Stop trying to heal. Other people will REALLY want you to heal. Like, Right. Now. "Are you better yet?" But we are not packets of instant coffee. It doesn't work to just open us up and pour scolding hot water on our body. I tried. Before you can even begin to heal you need to figure out what the heck just happened to you. Think about it this way, if you just experienced a hit and run with a semi truck would people be running around expecting you to get up and keep walking. Maybe. But, no, for the sake of this example, no, they would be trying to figure out what happened that left you pummeled, laying in the road. Now your soul is pummeled, so take a minute to figure out what's hurt and how bad before making any moves.
Step Two-and-a-Third
Buckle in. This is going to suck. Oh yes, it is going to suck. And then it won't suck so much and then it will sucker-punch-you-suck which means you will have thought you were over the hill of suckiness only to get to the top of the Suck Hill to realize it's actually a Suck Mountain. You need to buckle in because the honest to Gods truth is this isn't a ride you are in complete control of. So once you are aware of your actual injuries, not just the ones everyone thinks you should or should not have, you will have moments when it's too much to bear and you will want to GIVE UP. By give up I mean you will want to use credit cards to buy fabric for a new sewing hobby or you will think "sure, eating ice cream for breakfast every morning is fine as long as I add peanuts and hide it from my eight year old." (As an aside, if you already have three pets and you don't live on a farm and you are heading south on Distraction Drive in Healing Village, do not go to an animal shelter. It's a trap).
Step Three (that feels like thirty-three)
Feel the burn. Like exercise, you have to feel the discomfort to get anywhere. You have to surrender to whatever emotion rises up in you while knowing you are not that emotion and that it doesn't have to control you. You can feel the emotion, you can be aware of it, and not act upon it. It's why most of us have never been convicted of a crime. See, you have already proved you are capable of this step. So, maybe you feel hopeless. Hopelessness says things like, "oh, this bed is so comfy. It is safe and warm. It would be lonely without you." You don't have to feel hope, but you don't have to stay in bed. This is the burn that will get you up and over Suck Mountain.
Step Forty Million
Recruit a boxing buddy. Because that is what healing will feel like and you need someone to stand alongside you and remind you to rest or keep your hands protecting your face or to punch back a little harder at whatever punch life just threw at you. Maybe you are the only one in the entire world to go through this particular painful experience but you are not the only one to feel pain. As much as we hate it, suffering is universal and we all have and will get knocked down. Look around and see who else just fell flat on their butt. Listen for the "OW!" in the universe and just butt-scoot right over there. It's easier to get up if we realize that however far down we have fallen, it is far from uncharted territory.
Step Ka-Billion
Prepare to be surprised. Healing takes both less and more time than we will plan for. There is no strategic plan or fool proof formula. It is something you have to follow with your soul and it will take you through hail storms and into dark caves and underneath waterfall pools of warm water. To heal we must follow the Love. Even when we feel fear, or dread, or vomit coming up into our throats, we have to take the step toward Love because that is what we need to find anew if we are to heal. A Love we had (or maybe thought we had) that was misplaced or taken away or just plain lost with that damn sock in the laundry again. It's all a journey and if you are reading this right now, I can promise you, wherever you are is probably right where you need to be. Whether you feel it or not in this moment, you are not alone and I promise, you are going to be okay.
