My Kid is Off Limits!

Today Hope UMC hosted a half day workshop called "Parenting Safe Children" which focused on education about how to reduce the risk of our children being victims of sexual abuse. The premise: If you know what makes your child vulnerable to being sexually abused and you can educate yourself and your child to eliminate those vulnerabilities, the chances of your child being a victim are reduced exponentially. This isn't a workshop guaranting to prevent a child from being sexually abused. Parents can do everything right and something can still happen. But it IS a workshop that promises to reduce the chances of your child will be seen as vulnerable by a sexual perpetrator and therefore will reduce the chances of your child being harmed.

For about the first half of the workshop I will be quite honest, I had a hard time not breaking out in tears. Hearing spoken out loud the statistics that one in three girls and one in seven boys will be victims of sexual abuse before the age of 18...and that is JUST the kids who will report the crime...was overwhelming. Knowing that most children will never tell and that that statistic is probably incredibly lower than the reality, is heart breaking. The other staggering fact I learned was that most sexual perpetrators begin abusing children around age 14 and that half of all sexual perpetrators are teenagers. It was into about an hour of the workshop that I decided Fiona would be home schooled with limited contact with other children, teens or adults.

But then a funny thing happened. After the frightening reality set in that this could happen to my daughter, I was so willing and ready to digest all of the information about how we could do all of these everyday things to help keep her safe. And while they might seem simple or common sense, they aren't. Socially acceptable behavior, a broken legal system, and a fragmented society have all worked together effectively to create a world in which our children are incredibly vulnerable and horribly exposed to being sexually abused. Preventing it takes courage, intentionality, and education. We worry so much about our kids behaving, being smart, achieving ambitious goals in sports and school, but then when it comes to providing them with the tools to ward off sexual predators we are quick to let it pass by the way side thinking that, in spite of the jaw dropping statistics, it won't happen to our kid.

It's not a popular conversation.

And in light of all the ignorance, denial, and distraction, I am proud of our church for providing a forum for such a conversation. It had its tough moments. You think of yourself as a mature professional adult until someone asks you to role play telling your child what sex is or where babies come from. And then, you glaze over, giggle, and if you're lucky find words to awkwardly stumble over. These are sacred conversations. I wish it could be a requirement for everyone to take this workshop, not just parents, but all members of a community which values the sacredness of each child. Our children are at risk but there is so much we can do to protect them if we are just willing to listen and learn and laugh.

As soon as the workshop was over I approached the facilitator to schedule her to come back. I guess it's just not enough for me to say my daughter is going to have the tools she needs and the parents who will proactively support her in making her Off Limits to sexual perpetrators but I want all kids to be Off Limits kids. I want us all to be in this together....imagine that, a sacred community gathered around the most vulnerable of our clan ensuring their safety and protection...sounds, well, very Christian.