It was shortly after my first Blog post that I began to feel as if perhaps I shared too much. That maybe blogging had gone too far. I have felt that way after I have posted a status on Facebook or MySpace or Twitter...you know what I mean. That feeling where you think, "maybe I should delete that." I hear people talking all the time about how we as a culture share too much through the internet and that they don't because they don't want everyone to know there business. I get it. I feel the same way. But I keep posting and I am sure I will keep blogging.
I guess I am motivate by a belief that there is something to be said about being open, something invaluable in being transparent. That feeling vulnerable when sharing your experiences and being honest about your struggles is worth it if in that blog or status one person can laugh or one person can feel a little more 'normal'. It takes courage to put it all out there with the knowledge that you will be judged and misunderstood and criticized all for the hope that at least one connection will be made. A spark of understanding that keeps your fire for connectionalism lit.
When I was reflecting on what to Blog about next all I could think about was all that was unbloggable. That if I really felt I was sharing too much now what if I started talking about those experiences that weighed heavy on my heart and the issues that may forever plague my soul. The things you only talk to friends about in the quiet corners of coffee houses. It seems that inspite of our newfound openness most of what we talk about here or anywhere else has little to do with the 'real' issues of our lives, the underlining ugliness, the delicacy of our relationships, the battles of our consciousness.
I keep sharing because I enjoy the opportunities to laugh with you. I appreciate that we can joke about the shared challenges of our lives whether you are a stay at home mom or a retired grandmother. In all the tunnels of our lives God is present. Laughter is possible. Change is inevitable.
For me the two things I love; my job and my family, are subjects in this open space. I am grateful that I can struggle with the little things in the spotlight and the big things in the presence of a loving God and with friends through which the Light of Christ shines upon me. It has been apparent to me for a very long time that life will not get easier... it will just be different. But for me, coping with Life's difficulties means going deeper into the darkenss. The monsters of our lives are much smaller when we hold hands, when we laugh, when we drink coffee. There is always light. There is always hope. May we each seek to find God's presence in the creation of open spaces where the darkness may visit but never take hold.